Metaphorically Disasterous


À la Brotherhood 2.0, this post is coming to you in more than one part.

Part I: What’s up with the writers’ strike? It’s frickin’ over, that’s what! After three months, they finally settled on a deal with the WGA. So what does this mean for your shows? Weeelll … it’s not so good. The end of the contract war might have finally arrived (and glory to the writers and all that), but the aftermath is full of the mangled bodies of shows and their episodic limbs. Don’t you just love metaphors?

24 fans weep, because the anticipated season seven will have to wait until … next season. When the season seven trailer was released to tease us, we hungrily counted down to January ’08 last year, only to realize once January was slipping by that that was one messed up clock. The plot of no CTU, a rogue Jack (uhm, wait, when isn’t he rogue, exactly?), Chloe with offspring, and most intriguingly, an evil, bald, scar-eyed Tony—inexplicably somehow back from the “dead” and one of the only members of the Hyoscine-pentothal survival group—will be put on hiatus until either this fall or (gulp) next year. DAMNIT!

And on the seventh day, God said, “Behold, Tony lives!”

Lost fans … all right, it could be worse compared with the destinies of some other shows. Six more pre-strike episodes remain, and TV Guide reports that six more could be aired this season. Nonetheless, that isn’t much of a consolation considering what was promised to us when the writers made their fateful decision of only three more seasons and a limited number of each (sixteen, if I recall correctly). If TV Guide’s prophecy holds true, we’re left short two episodes. Okay, sure, it’s two episodes. It doesn’t really make that much of a difference in the long run … right? WRONG. Any Lost fan knows how much the show’s loyal fans have been cheated, frustrated , and disappointed over the years by confusing and impossibly intricate plots, limited answers, more confusing and impossibly intricate plots, a frighteningly colossal tumor of questions sucking our brains dry like zombies, and countless breaks and teasing courtesy of a stupefyingly beautiful execution of scheduling (cough). We need those two episodes of Lost goodness. We’ve earned them, and the writers damn well better slap on two extra episodes next season if we’re left with the short end of the stick again this time around. With all the detail that needs to be meticulously pieced together in a sensible, clear, and satisfying way, those “meager” two episodes could be the difference between a complete picture (if that’s even possible anymore) and a smooshed sandwich of complexity of a series finale. And the writers know we dedicated viewers, especially those of us who’ve been there every episode since the series premiere, will be waiting and watching till the very end. Think of us as the whispers in the jungle. Or better yet, the Monster. The Black Smoke:

Don’t fuck with us.

See, kids? Smoking kills.

Concerning Prison Break, only two more pre-strike episodes are at the ready, but what’s to come after that isn’t yet determined—officially, anyway. House is expected to make four to six additional episodes to air around April or May, resulting in about sixteen or eighteen total episodes, which isn’t very satisfying. I mean, come on, it’s House. We have an addiction as bad as high amounts of Vicoden will give you.

Smallville has four more episodes stashed safely away, and you can expect three to five more episodes to be made to air in April or May. That adds up to around eighteen to twenty episodes for the season, which is actually pretty good. Way to plan ahead, Smallville.

Kudos to you, Smallville.

To check out what’s up for other shows, click here to see TV Guide’s listing.

Part Deux: Superman. Speaking of Smallville, the last two episodes have been really good, in my opinion. I thought Bizarro was great, and BRAINIAC’s fun, but the Green Arrow … now, that’s something to drool over. Okay, okay, so there’s more to the Oliver Queen plot than photogenics. During Thursday’s episode, “Siren,” Lois finally found out about Oliver’s green leather and archery fetish, and although she was eventually accepting of his secret, it didn’t end well, presenting the question of how she and Clark will end up being the well-known Lois and Clark duo. On another note, the whole Clana needs to die. Fast. You can tell by this season’s events that it’s going to happen soon, because everything going on this season has revolved around pushing Clark into the open arms of Destiny, who’s pissed off for having to wait eons for Clark to get around to grabbing that red cape and learning to fly. Meanwhile, Lex is continuing to plunge into the dark depths of his own mind. Speaking of evil villainy, the previews for next week’s episode look even more interesting. If you missed the previews, Clark somehow gets trapped inside the labyrinth of our favorite mogul’s perilous, deranged mind, and the previews promised the return of the images of the future Lex that were first introduced waay back in season one in “Hourglass.” The blind lady, Cassandra, from that episode could see the future, and when she touched Lex she died because, as Clark put it ever so gracefully (being innocently oblivious to what had just happened with Lex), “She saw it. Her future.” Cassandra saw flashes of Lex in a white suit as President, a suit that has been a recurring image throughout the series as well as the black glove Lex wore in the future. There have been various episodes with Lex committing sinful deeds while wearing a black leather glove. For no logical reason, of course, but what the hell, they threw it in there for dramatic effect. I mean, think of it like this in terms of randomness (sorry, I couldn’t squash the image I uploaded into the post without distorting it, and it was a pain to make to begin with).

Erm, anyway, there were also images of Lex touching a sunflower with his gloved hand, causing the whole field of flowers to die and revealing an endless grave of bones, a link to the “endless graveyard” Clark saw in Cassandra’s vision of him. Then it started to rain blood, probably the blood of, according to Lex’s mother in a much later episode, “all the people [he’s] going to kill.”

Moving on. One thing I’m still confused about was the ending. Did anyone else hear the almost inaudible creaking of the Kent house’s screen door during the shot of the house (right before the credits), signaling that Lana was leaving, or was that just wishful thinking? I googled that episode but couldn’t find anything that mentioned it, so maybe that was just me. Who knows. Also, does Lois know that Grant/Julian’s clone is dead? When she was riding the elevator up to see Oliver I thought she mentioned Grant’s name, but I’m a little puzzled over why she wasn’t acting like he was dead. I mean, she has to know, right? It was in the newspapers. But she had absolutely no reaction to his death. I mean, considering the fact that they were romantically involved, you’d think the writers would make her show some sign of mourning instead of making her act like she barely even knew who he was.

And did anyone else notice that all these vigilantes work at the Daily Planet? Is that how it was in the comics? I wouldn’t know, I was never really into Superman, or DC for that matter (although Batman was always cool). I’m more of a Marvel person, myself. Still, there’s the Black Canary, the Angel of Vengeance … I know pretty much everyone on the show can be tied back to the Daily Planet somehow now because so much of the show takes place there, but really. And you’d think Chloe would have been a little more alert or open to the thought that the Canary worked at the Planet, considering the incident with Andrea/AoV. And what the hell was up with the computer imaging thing that Chloe did? Where she took a picture of Dinah Lance and was like, “All we have to do is picture her with blonde hair!” Then, poof! Magic. The same shiny blonde haircut and everything. Give me a break. I know what Chloe has been able to do with her “connections” and brainy skills has been ridiculously impossible since season one, but this is just pushing my level of willing suspension of disbelief. And I’m pretty damn willing when it comes to fiction.

The parrot squawks, the canary sings.

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2 Responses to “Metaphorically Disasterous”

  1. 1 NeverLeaveOne

    Just found your site – to answer your question about Lex’s black glove – its from the comics.

    In the future Lex wears a Kryptonite ring that gives him cancer.

  2. Ohhh, okay. I figured it was an allusion to the comics, but the part I was amused about was how in various episodes after “Hourglass,” they’d just sort of stick it in there completely randomly—like, “Hey, let’s make Lex wear the black glove again.” “Okay!” :]

    I didn’t know that, though. Thanks, man! Intrigued by your comment (and finding out that it was indeed from the comics), I looked it up on the Smallville Wiki and found what you were talking about (the amputation part):

    “Lex’s future is in the White House, where he wears a glove on his right hand. This is because in the future he wears a kryptonite ring on his right hand, and has to get it amputated because of kryptonite poisoning.”

    Interesting, in a separate episode (“Onyx,” I think), when Lex is split into two the evil Lex confronts Clark with a kryptonite ring on his finger.

    Thanks for the comment!

    – Steph

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