The ultimate penis exists, and it’s American


Amusingly dubbed “Lower Manhattan,” the Watchmen film’s apparent separate character known as Dr. Manhattan’s dong is large, pulsating blue, and on display for the world to see. The thing I don’t understand is that the world both knows what a penis looks like and seems to be quite easily distracted by the power of a radiated penis.

In fact, Dr. Manhattan’s penis has arguably been the biggest subject of discussion for the movie—which is sad, considering the themes of Watchmen are so much larger and more important than a blue man’s penis. Also, to quote Christian Bale, is it really that “fucking distracting”? I mean, there are really only a handful of scenes where you get a full-frontal view of Dr. Manhattan’s genitalia, and no one is forcing you to stare at it. It certainly wasn’t “flopping” around, like many people are saying. At least I didn’t think so.

More importantly, if you were offended by the superhero’s penis, let me ask you: Is that really the most offensive part of the movie? Isn’t it a little sad that so many people are complaining about Dr. Manhattan’s wang and not discussing whether Ozymandias had the right to kill millions just because he’s the “world’s smartest man”? Or what about Rorschach’s extremely conservative, non-compromising views and paranoia about homosexuality—was he the only sane one at the end, or was he wrong to attempt to inform the world? How about the way the Silhouette and her lesbian partner were killed: glassy-eyed and half-naked in their bed, frozen like porcelain beneath the words “lesbian whores”?

But hey, let me know what you think. Did Dr. Manhattan’s super-man parts disturb you more than the Comedian’s misogynistic, destructive actions? Or did you barely notice that blue glowy thing, anyway?


15 Responses to “The ultimate penis exists, and it’s American”

  1. 1 Matt

    Meh, it was noticed, after all he is a godly superhero, and most have to admit a passing secret curiosity as to whether or not he was hung like Zeus.
    But seriously, it’s nothing to openly talk about when discussing the movie, I mean it’s meaningless to the plot and never actually brought up in the movie.
    My thought is that everyone is making big shit out of it because free floating Johnson’s (radioactive smurf colored or not) seems more usually reserved for premium channel TV or a movie where sex with said smurf is some big important scene, i.e. The Thomas Crowne Affair.

  2. 2 FredOzzel

    Some of the film is just “there” most people won’t react to it, but yea it is a bit disappointing that other elements of the story are barely discussed much but meh, people focus on certain things and thats just how people are. Look at the superbowl flash and how people talk about that, but not the actual superbowl it happened in.

    Personally I’m not sure how to react to some of it, especially since some of it (in particular Silhouette) was a little self contained blurb and didn’t really have much context. So while it was a statement in and of itself, it’s a statement almost in isolation which doesn’t really give people an opprotunity to really think about it (so in a way, it undermined its own impact).

    All in all Im undertain whether some of the behaviors were demonized or glorified. Which I find makes it hard to find a position on the film.

    As I understand it – compared to Japan, North America sees nudity as very taboo – while Japan sees violence as far more taboo. Id expect a Japanese audience to have a different reaction to an American audience. (More likely to focus on the horror of the violence, rather than oh the nudity).

    People in my theater barely blinked at the bones being broken, and splitting through the flesh, etc. There wasnt cheering, but there wasnt booing or hissing. It was a rather matter of fact kind of reaction, which I personally found more chilling than the film.

  3. 3 WITA

    Fred, your last paragraph was exactly the point I was trying to make. Thank you! :O Watchmen is supposed to be offensive on many levels, bringing up lots social commentary. It truly is kind of scary—and a bit ironic—that people are reacting more strongly to Dr. Manhattan’s penis than to those issues.

  4. 4 FredOzzel

    I dont know what happened but with all the reality TV and the shows that focus on bashing (not criticism, bashing) it’s like the whole planet has somehow lost sight of meaning in favor of tangential outrage over minor nonsense.

    A lot of important issues seem to have become overshadowed by shallow nonsense.

    The latest AIG fiasco is another example of people becoming fixated on one element of a larger issue, becoming outraged and overreacting. I’m not saying that it’s wrong to be upset about public money being used that way, but the issue is a lot more complicated than it’s being portrayed.

  5. 5 FredOzzel

    I’ll admit though, I’d have preferred a little less full frontal :p

  6. 6 Jaym

    I wasn’t offended or bothered about having frontal male nudity- in fact, I felt it’s long overdue that we have more (uh, to clarify that, I simply mean we’ve always had a major double standard on getting women nude and keeping men hidden. Double standards suck.)

    MY only issue was that they modeled him in such a way as to perpetuate the whole “alpha males have massive penises” stereotype. He was flaccid in this movie, yet stood at about 7 inches. That means he had an INSANELY oversized penis- porn star sized.

    If you look at a large sampling of male genitalia, most men’s penises do not extend past the bottom of their scrotum when flaccid. In fact, most average men, when flaccid, really only show a small portion of penis and the head when not erect.

    If you look at the graphic novel, at least to memory, he was drawn much smaller.

    I just felt it sends the wrong message since penis size is something constantly harped upon despite it not mattering in sex, or being something a man can do to change. Most men are average- why go out of the way to portray an average scientist morphed into a superhero as a secret porn-star in hiding?

    Anyhow, the fact that there was his nudity was appropriate to the story and his character’s losing touch with matters of humanity. It makes sense. Just like when a movie calls for it- there should be nudity and sex. That’s one of the reasons Sin City was good but not amazing- you have Jessica Alba the stripper, who doesn’t strip. Right. LOTS of men rush to see that in strip clubs.

    I just wish our society would get the whole violence/nudity mindset reversed- that is to say, correct.

  7. 7 redhollywood

    This has to be the greatest title for an article ever!

  8. 8 WITA

    @Jaym Okay, those are valid points. I don’t approve of bazooka-sized boobs on women in comics and such, so. Hurm, I wonder why they gave him such an over-sized penis, lol!

    But still, this is, like, the only thing a lot of people are talking about in response to the movie. If Alan Moore was angry before March 6, I don’t want to see him now. That poor man, we just keep throwing pointy things at him, don’t we? I mean, we don’t mean to, but … šŸ˜›

    @Greg Hahaha it’s always hit or miss with my titles. This one is a hit, I think!

  9. 9 Matt

    Completely agree with Jaym’s first paragraph, but on a side note maybe they can license Dr.M out to be the new mascot of Trojan Magnums.

    The fact that a penis (despite being unfairly large) has spurred more comments then Ozy’s super-elitist act of “Oh let’s kill 15 million people to save humanity”, the most clear of the commentaries, makes me want to roast people with a flame thrower. šŸ˜‰

  10. LOL points for Matt for solving society’s said conditioned apathy to violence, sex, etc., by becoming a parody of it.

  11. 11 Joshua

    It didn’t offend or bother me. I have the problem, along with any other man that didn’t grow up in nudist colony. When I see a naked man, I immediately look at his penis. I’m not gay, which is why it bothers me. Its like not trying not to scratch an itch on my face. Its there in the scene, I’d rather be focusing on Laurie’s nipples, but instead i’m mesmerized by this tripod of a man.

  12. LOL “tripod of a man.” This just gets better and better. šŸ˜› We need a female opinion, too, damnit! Besides mine, I mean.

  13. I wouldn’t have noticed the penis so much had it not been for all the giggling of the other “adults” in the theater. I didn’t hear any reaction to the ultra-violent blood spattering, but show a penis and we’re all in middle school again (and as a middle school teacher, I was kind of hoping not to bring the job to the movies!). You are so right in pointing out the many other talking/thinking points of the movie. You’d think people who’d read the novel would realize that.

  14. 14 Mr. X

    Why was it in the movie then? If he realy is a super hero why the shit is he not concerned about public nudity?

  15. When he became the super blue man he is in the movie, he gradually lost his tie to humanity—thus, no reason for him to follow or concern himself with social contracts. Like he says to Ozymandias: “The world’s smartest man poses no more threat to me than the world’s smartest termite.” Humanity is just a dot in the universe; when you can see all of it, human beings and their rules really aren’t that important.

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